BROism

Members Pics

2012-01-09T18:52:00.001-08:00

Ask Doctor Kris!

2012-01-03T20:59:00.000-08:00

Dear Dr. Kris,

I'm a straight bro in a live-in
relationship with my girlfriend. We usually have sex once a week, usually on Saturday mornings. Any other time during the week she's either too tired from work or the gym or too full from dinner or whatever. Even if she says she's DTF by the time 9:30 or so rolls around, she's ready to just get in bed and watch the news until she's asleep. Now here is the kicker: she asks me every single fucking DAY if I have jacked off while she was gone. (DUH!) She doesn't like it when I jack off so I always say no but then she accuses my of lying! She has even demanded to smell my hands to see if she can pick up traces of cum or lube on em. I totally resent feeling guilty about pounding my pud to pick up the slack. I always do it when she's not around, I don't keep the porn where she can find it and I always clean up after myself so I don't see why I should be guilt tripped every time I decide to "take matters into my own hands". What do you think about this Dr. Kris?

-I'm Not Guilty About Pud Pounding

Dear INGAPP,

I'm having trouble deciding which one of you is the bigger nut job, your controlling, hand sniffing, psycho bitch cunt of a "girlfriend" or you for forgetting you got a pair of BALLS south of your belt somewhere and putting up with that bullshit in the first place. So the girlfriend has a low libido, hey it happens, no big deal. But to terrorize and punish your higher-libido partner on a daily basis for making ends meet with an occasional bate session (and then demanding to smell his hands!!) is nothing short of borderline abusive behavior. Dump that bitch ASAP and pass this message along to your soon to be ex for me: If you want a companion you can castrate, lady, get yourself a dog honey. Not a boyfriend, not a husband, a DOG.

Dear Dr. Kris:

I been with my girlfriend almost 4 months now and she wants me to completely quit chewing tobacco. I love my dip and don't want to quit, so what should I do?

-Bad Ass Dipper Dude

Dear BADD,

Pack that lip and dump the bitch dude.

Got a problem you'd like to get the Dr. Kris treatment on? E-mail the good doctor at dipperkris@gmail.com

When Harry Met Harry

2011-08-29T09:34:00.001-07:00

If you are a gay or bi dude with a str8 best bro, it never fails to happen... that moment when your buddy looks at you and asks you the dreaded question:

"So dude... are you attracted to me ?"

This question is every bit as tricky for us to answer as is the "Do these jeans make me look fat?" query is for our str8 bros and there's no easy way to answer without sounding like a liar.

It's not in the least bit unusual for str8 men to have a queer bro these days. As rampant as homophobia is, there's a huge number of str8 bros out there that simply don't care about another dudes sexuality and don't judge. Over and over I hear the same phrase: "Yeah I got a buddy who's gay, it's ok, he's cool."

Sure he's "cool", that is, until that moment when you realize that your gay buddy just might be thinking about YOU when he jerks off at night. While some bros might find this flattering, most others have no idea how to handle the concept which eventually leads to "The Talk".

The film "When Harry Met Sally" deals with the subject of friendship (or it's perceived impossibility) between men and women. This has been a prevalent question among men ever since women became prevalent in the the workforce. With the '60's long over and women no longer working along side us as simply eye candy, the 70's and 80's changed the workplace landscape and forced men and women to treat each other respectfully and as equals. Does this mean a man doesn't constantly wonder in his mind what it would be like to fuck the hot babe he's talking to so respectfully and casually at the water cooler? Of course not. We're dudes and we're interested in fucking anything we think we may have a shot at. But the new rules of the workplace forbid us to take any action on that secret lust so we put it on the back burner and get to the business of working together and making the boss happy.

When it comes to relationships between str8 and gay/bi men however there are no constraints or rules in place to define the boundaries of appropriate behavior. There are only two things that can ensure success in this kind of friendship; respect and trust.

My str8 bros know that at the very core of our friendship I respect and value their heterosexuality. I am not one of these guys that thinks that every str8 guy is a six pack away from a gay experience. If a dude tells me he's str8 then he's str8, period end of story and my str8 bros are able to let go of their fears knowing that I'm never going to think of them as gay or secretly gay no matter what they do or say.

So when my buddy asks me "Are you attracted to me?"

I always say:

"What am I? Fucking dead? Of course I'm attracted to you. Yer fucking hot. Why wouldn't I be? But I know yer str8 and I respect that so I know there's no way anything is going to take place between us outside the bounds of friendship. You don't get to fuck every chick you meet do you? Sometimes when you know it's not going to happen, you put those thoughts on the back burner and you get down to the business of being friends and that's exactly what I do with you. Do I wonder what it would be like to fuck with you? Of course. I'm a dude and I can't turn that off any more than you can with any hot chick. But we're bros and I'm not gonna cross that line with you just for a cheap thrill dude. No fucking way."

This never fails to make them them think for a while as they finish their beer and digest what I've said and it's totally true. For any relationship to be successful, respect has to win out over all else. If that piece if the puzzle is missing then neither party in the relationship can ever feel free to let go and be their true selves.

Str8 men need, want and appreciate a man in their lives who they can show a side of themselves to that they can't show anyone else. Learn to respect your str8 bros sexuality, allow mutual trust to develop and you'll be one of the lucky few that gets the rare privilege to see that side.

Fire for the Boy!!!

2011-08-04T17:40:00.000-07:00

I was dangerously close to turning 13 when my dad came into my room and caught me jerking off. My dad was insanely open about his rampant sex life, always walked around naked, would leave the door open when he was getting laid so I could “learn how it’s done”, jerked off constantly and he made damn sure I did the same. This particular time he apparently didn't catch me by surprise 'cause he had a jar of Vaseline with him and announced "It's about time you learned how to do that shit right you little amateur." He popped in one of the many porns he had given me into my VCR and sat himself right down next to me to teach me exactly how an expert cocksman did it, keeping his cigar in his jaw the whole time. My life changed completely that night. I never minded his cigars before, but this time for some reason the sight of him with his big ole baby maker in his hand, cigar tight in his jaw, I knew at that moment I wanted to people to think of me as a total stud the same way people saw him as one. We watched the porn and edged together for hours before finally exploding so hard with my load sailing past my head hitting the wall behind me mixing with my dad’s hefty breeder load already there.

Several days passed without mention of the incident until a sudden business trip to Vegas was announced and I was told that based on that previous nights’ performance I was now deemed “old enough” to be going with him on his trips to Vegas. (DAMN! I was hoping to sneak into his humidor while he was gone. Now I gotta fuckin tag along on another stupid trip!) Since it was just the two of us, I often went with when he had to travel and was quite used to it by now but I always had to stay home when the Vegas trips came up which of course made me extra curious to know what was so damn special about the place. We never actually did anything together on these trips, and my routine wad always the same. I stayed in the room while he conducted business, I ordered room service, watched porn and then went to bed. Since this would be a new city for me I asked if there was anything special to do only to be told "Shut up and pack and don't ask questions. You ask too many fucking questions kid."

The trip was as expected. I spent most of my time alone while dad attended meetings and conducted business. I was always a pretty good kid and no trouble and this time to my my massive surprise, dad actually let me leave the hotel room this time and wander off pretty much wherever the fuck I wanted to as long as I didn't “touch anything" or get in anyone’s way.

The biggest immediate difference with Vegas as opposed to other trips was my super keen awareness of how many dudes were smoking cigars EVERYWHERE. In the casinos, out of the casinos, walking down the streets, in pairs, in groups, in PACKS. I found myself seeing all the hotels on the strip by following guys with cigars and seeing where they went... It became my favorite hobby. (And still is!)

One evening, my dad instructs me not to go anywhere after dinner and to stay in my room. We always had separate rooms on these trips. Dad kept a steady stream of pussy in and out of his room at all times at home and he wasn't about to give up his habit just because I was tagging along, no siree. Just as I was getting royally pissed off at the time going by and the fact that I'd already seen all the hotel porn there was to see, there was a knock on my door. Imagine my surprise when I open the door and an impeccably dressed redhead of indeterminable age (When you're 13 everyone is either your age or “old”) makes her way past me into the room without my even asking my permission and opens the conversation with the line; "Your father tells me you've been a really naughty boy Kris." You'd be really shocked at just how long it took to this perpetual hard on to figure out what was about to happen here. I mean my entire existence up to this point was sex and nothing but sex. As soon as I was able to figure out what I could do with my hard dick I had thought of nothing else and was jerking off ten times a day and twice as much on weekends. There wasn't a moment I wasn't thinking about it and my horn dog dad was of absolutely no help, not with him fucking some hot chick in the house every five minutes then telling me all about it for my future "education". Oh yeah, I was ready all right I just had no idea it was about to happen right now.

I'll dispense with the nervous chit chat that ensued as I tried to cover for my sudden cluelessness. How would dad handle this? I've watched him pull this off from beginning to end so just do what he always does, I thought to myself. I began with "May I take your coat?" and it ended up with us in a tangle somewhere on the couch as I did my nervous best to entertain this chick properly for fear that if I didn't handle it right she'd just leave!

Somewhere in the middle of this very awkward make out session with this completely hot stranger, I smelled cigar smoke in the room. My dad sat himself in the corner chair in his hot pink Flamingo hotel bathrobe, cigar in jaw, smoking and grinning at me. On the table next to him, another cigar, a bottle of Scotch and 3 glasses 2 of which were already filled, one waiting. Dad looks at me and simply says. "Happy Birthday son. Now, if you're a good boy and do everything I tell you and you fuck this whore like a real man for me, you'll earn yerself your first cigar and the right to smoke one whenever the fuck you want."

I wanted that cigar.

Goddamit, I wanted that cigar and any future cigars and I wanted to earn the right to smoke them front of him even more than I wanted to get properly laid. I wanted this chick to look at me and see a man the way I looked at all the cigar smoking men on the street and saw them as real men. I was totally ready for this and I'll be fucking damned if I wasn't going to prove it.

My dad sat there smoking his cigar quietly coaching me, giving me tips, showing me techniques, taking turns with her and demonstrating proper style, and vocally egging me on as the room filled with the smell of his cigar smoke and my own hard work and effort. I'd like to say that I remember everything about that night but what I remember most clearly to this day was that I was able to fuck the shit out of that pussy not because she was such a turn on but because of the sight of my dad’s face, gar tight in his jaw, beaming with unspoken pride at his making a "real man" out of his son. It was the one and only time I had ever seen him proud of me as we sat there in our flamingo pink robes, and he held the match to my cigar for me quietly growling "Fire for the boy!"… he wouldn't take his eyes off of me.

"You've done this before haven't you?" he asked scrutinizing me carefully through a cloud of our mixed smoke.

"I swear that was the first time dad. I've been with girls but I’ve never gone all the..."

"The cigar you fucking dipshit. You've smoked a cigar before. Don't fucking lie to me."

About a year before I had stolen one out of his humidor and run and locked myself in the bathroom to put it in my jaw and looking in the huge mirror I realized immediately that it belonged there. The hard on it produced was so raging I jerked off three loads into the sink rapid fire, one after the other, boom Boom BOOM!!! without even stopping. I kept that cigar under my bed and repeated the incident several more times until the poor thing finally fell completely apart and I was forced to steal a replacement. This time the cigar got lit and the orgasm was instantaneous. I didn't even have time to unzip; I just sort of groped around the outside and shot in my shorts within seconds. Oh, I was on to something here all right....

"From now on when you steal a cigar from me I want to see you enjoying it. Promise me."

"Yes sir."

"Happy Birthday son." He says as he hands me a brown paper grocery bag. This was so typical. My dad couldn't wrap presents for shit. I actually got one wrapped in tin foil once...

Inside the bag was a large, beautifully lacquered humidor made of burled walnut, a small box containing a leather cigar travel case and another larger box with a silver guillotine cigar cutter and a matching silver torch cigar lighter. At the bottom of the bag, a brand new box of Montecristo Churchill’s.

"You're gonna need those kid. Yer a man now and no real man should be without em."

He was so right.

-DipperKris

Authors Note: I share this story often because people want to know how I became aware of my erotic connection between cigars and dipping and why these actions are such a manly turn on for me. Well... every time I think about it my thoughts always return to these specific events and rather thar re-tell the story over and over I thought I'd just tell the definitive version once and for all! -DK

Say NO to "NO HOMO"

2011-07-29T14:42:00.000-07:00

Listen UP Str8 Brothers!!!

I got to talk to you about something that really BOTHERS ME. This constant use of the term "no homo". I used it. I embraced it. And then I really THOUGHT about it. And then I packed me a bomb of Cope WG and thought about it some more. And then... well it was like the grey winter skies opened up, and a patch of light came down and a illuminated everything so clearly in the sweet promise of Spring... (Then the dip buzz wore off and I was like WTF!!!)

Listen to me dudes. If you are str8 and you KNOW you are str8 and everyone else KNOWS you are str8 and there is absolutely NO DOUBT about the fact that you get so much pussy it's ridiculous and would never even think of touching yer best bro's junk in a drunken "I love you man" stupor... Then WHY DO YOU NEED TO USE THE TERM "NO HOMO"? It's completely unecessary. Besides you're making it sound as if meaning something in a "yes homo" kinda way would be some kind of bad, awful, dirty , crunchy dingleberries on the ass kinda way and frankly, it's a little insulting to the gay/bi people out there. You don't need to go out of your way to prove just how NOT HOMO you are if you REALLY ARE NOT HOMO. You feeling me on this boys? Ya smell what I'm cookin? You are a MAN and a real man doesn't need to be afraid of what he chooses to say to another man. Whether it's the craziest gay orgy talk in the room or the total other end of the spectrum and you're pissing your feelings out on the dirt along with the beer for your bro to see. It DOESN'T MATTER. If you're proud to have a cock swinging between yer legs then HONOR your God given genetic fortune and STOP walking around constantly being afraid of anything HOMO. Who fucking CARES if what you just said sounded homo? Yer a MAN. OWN IT.

Instead, I encourage you brothers to adopt the second half of our catchphrase "No homo - ALL BROMO" which truly says it all without offending anyone. ALL BROMO! HELL YEAH!!! Now that get's it across without making our gay/bi brothers feel bad about themselves and let's face it, they have a rough time of it sometimes so why not spread the love and help them out in this one tiny way? ALL BROMO. Use it. Share it. Spread it. Like that cunt Martha Stewart says; "It's a GOOD THING."

Younger BROS Love Their Cigars!

2011-07-29T13:03:00.000-07:00

BROmance and Beyond

2011-07-28T10:22:00.000-07:00

Most of these pics feature Bros being frisky, funny, partying, etc... but some of these pics depict bromance at the next level when the innocence leaves and something decidedly erotic moves in. This brings up a lot of interesting questions surrounding this kind of scenario. Do you think this could ever happen to you? If it did, would it really be such a bad thing? What would you do if you discovered you suddenly had feelings for a bro that were beyond platonic brotherly love? I'd like to hear your opinions on the subject!

Man, that shit is TIGHT YO!!!

2011-07-28T09:42:00.000-07:00

Ok, so it's no big secret that we bro's are all about finding new and creative places to stick our dicks. Why? Because we can...

And when we come up with something that feels good what's the first thing we do? We tell our bros so they can try it!!! So I'm curious as fuck to know, what are some of the things you have tried in the pursuit of penis pleasure? No need to be shy, we're all BROS here so come on and share. Don't worry we won't judge you. (Oh we'll rip on you fo sho if you come up with anything involving peanut butter and a family pet but NEVER will we judge!)

Bi like ME...

2011-07-28T09:24:00.000-07:00

Those of you newly converted to BROism may not be aware that I am a Bi dude. I've always enjoyed having sex with chicks and dudes and so the invariable question always comes up, "Which do you like better?" This is really a trick question because str8 boys always want me to say I like pussy better so that they in turn can feel better about me, ease their subconscious fears about being friendly with a guy who sucks dick and basically respect me more all around. Gay men expect me to say I like fucking guys more because lets face it, all gay men think that bisexual men are really gay men that just refuse to accept the stigma of "being gay". (Future topic alert) Now those of you who have gotten to know me have figured out by now that even though I have been in a gay relationship with a man for 18 years, I'm not your typical homo and I think, act and generally carry myself more like a str8 dude. The fact that I have a BF doesn't mean that I like dick better than pussy, it means that I want some peace and fucking quiet at home and don't want to deal with female drama in my life 24 hours a day 7 days a week. It's like living with your best BRO who you have a massive BROmance with except... you also have sex now and then. My BF happens to be gay and not bi, so he doesn't have that built in need to fuck pussy like I do so he let's me satisfy that need on the side, I tap it, git er done and go home to my peaceful, drama free life at home. My guy has NEVER once in 18 years questioned my need to go out, spend time with my own friends, where we went to, what we did, or how late I stayed out. He has never complained about me hitting a titty bar or watching a game instead of "spending time" with him. He has never once told me he doesn't like one of my friends (even on the one occasion where he truly didn't) and has never told me who I should or should not hang out with. He has never once complained about my extensive online life, my massive porn collection or said a word about who I jerk off with on cam. But most importantly, he has never held up an article of clothing and asked the question, "Does this make me look fat?"

Sure, I'm joking and and trivializing the experience of living with a woman. But the reality is, I can't do it. I've tried. Several times. I mean it would be AWESOME to be able to have the same relationship with a chick that I have with my guy. It would be SO much easier to be able to go out in public and not be concerned about where we are when we choose to kiss or hold hands. So much easier to have society paint me as "straight" and "normal" but that wasn't in the cards for me. I'm a huge fan of fucking pussy, but not such a great fan of women in most other departments. (Now female readers, don't get your tampon string in a knot, I'm not mysoginist. I love you!) What it all boils down to is women and I just don't click mentally the way I do with a BRO.

It's no big surprise that my most successful relationships with women were with chicks that were "one of the guys" High maintenance pussy... great to rail, but to date? FORGET IT. Give me a chick that is down for anything including getting her hands dirty, is ready to walk out the door (with her hair in a ponytail or under a hat) 5 minutes before you are, can drink, cuss and play with the boys when she has to but still be a woman where it counts.... OMG I'm hard now just thinking about it. If I had met a girl like this when that window was open, I'd be married today with a baseball team of kids. NO QUESTION about it. I didn't and so I got my guy and 2 dogs. Am I happy? I wouldn't trade my path for anything in this world, even to do it over with a girl like I just described. Fate put this man in front of me for a very good reason and what we have been for each other and sacrificed and done for each other was meant to be.

"Which do I like better?"

In the end, sticking your dick in a hole and busting a nut is.... well... sticking your dick in a hole and busting a nut. So as far as the mechanics of sex is concerned, I like whatever hole is wrapped around my cock at that moment. But when it comes to being with someone, and I mean truly being with them in every sense of the word, well, I think you all know the answer to that question.

Kris

Justin Bieber's Tricks For Picking Up Chicks

2011-07-28T08:15:00.000-07:00

Fighting and Fucking

2011-07-10T15:01:00.000-07:00

We boys are taught from a very young age we are bred for two things. Using our muscles and using our cocks.

We need to be "tough" and every role model presented to us is a "tough guy" that knows how to fight and gets all the pussy he wants. Now the term fighting can be literal as in actually knowing how to take another man down or it can be competitively based such as a sports hero who can take his team to victory.

Either way, we are bred for toughness from our very first blue (NEVER pink) "onesie" to the rules about boys not crying or showing emotion, to the fistfight battles for playground dominance, seeing who can piss or shoot their load the farthest, to later on with binge drinking, arm wrestling and sport fucking, our lives are about being a MAN and all the things that supposedly go with that. It's our supposed duty to desire battle and competition, hunger for our opponents blood and lust for every girl worth fucking that we see.

Every role model presented to us is a "tough guy" that knows how to fight and gets all the pussy he wants and nowhere else in our culture do we depend so much on what defines masculinity than in the movies we watch.

Being a Badass Alpha Male means fighting or fucking at a moments notice and every hero we look up to as kids starting with James Cagney's gangsters, John Wayne's cowboys and Charles Bronson's/Clint Eastwood's cops the uber he-men such as VanDamme, Arnold and Stallone... every single one of them always conquered the enemy and got the girl in the end.

In the 1960's an alternate breed of Alpha gave us something a little bit different to emulate. Born in the tradition of old Hollywood actors like Cary Grant, Robert Mitchum and Steve McQueen (and continuing on today with classy guys like Liam Neeson, Chris Noth, Tom Selleck and George Clooney) James Bond was a different kind of Alpha Badass. Uber-cool, classy and sophisticated, 007 was just as comfortable taking down a bad guy in hand to hand combat as he was in a tux front row center at the symphony or the opera, jumping out of planes or sipping a martini (shaken, not stirred) at a high stakes poker table with a sexy babe at his side. 007 doesn't waste his time questioning whether going to the opera is or isn't masculine, he doesn't give a fuck. He just goes. Certainly no one would ever dare accuse James Bond of being effeminate, and in fact, his willingness to embrace the finer things in life makes him more of a man in women's eyes and consequently, 007 gets all the pussy he wants. Sure, Bond was a total misogynist and chicks were there to be fucked and discarded but he did it in such a classy way that no one seemed to mind. (Even when the women he fucked ended up with a bullet lodged in their skull the next morning.) Through the elegant Alpha's like Bond, Liam Neeson, George Clooney and Chris Noth, we learn that you don't always have to settle the score by using your fists or big guns the way Van Damme, Bruce, Arnold or Stallone always did. The point? There's more than one way to "be a man".

No matter what kind of man we model ourselves after, there is still one thing they all have in common. They all get pussy and plenty of it. You can be the biggest non-tough guy computer nerd on the planet but if you make that bitch scream at the end of your cock you are A MAN no doubt about it right? Getting all the pussy you can is drilled into our head from the moment we discover that girls are different from us and the men in our lives all tell us that THIS is what it's all about. As soon as we are able to bust a nut from our balls the pursuit of pussy completely takes over our lives and we are never the same again.

But now instead of choosing from the traditional frat boy brand of totally self-conscious, over the top, hyper sexual masculinity or something a little more refined, we have a third option that is slowly establishing its credentials on the masculinity scale. The "Hot Nerd" now gets as much pussy and props as his rhoid raging muscle head compadres. Hell even the geek in the wheelchair on Glee is getting laid instead of contemplating suicide so what does that tell you about how much the rules of masculinity have changed?

Muscles are officially no longer required to make a girl wet between the legs. (Hell you don't even have to LIKE pussy to get chicks swooning all over you! Just think of Rupert Everett in My Best Friend's Wedding) Millions of women getting a chubby over Robert Pattinson in Twilight (who I seriously doubt even knows how to throw a punch) is proof that "Geek Chic" is here to stay. Guys like Tobey Maguire, Seth Rogen, Zach Braff, James Van DerBeek and Michael Cera are total pussies by ANY man's

definition and yet they still get laid and chicks still like them in movies proving to everyone (and giving a ray of hope to nerds everywhere) that you don't need to know how to fight to fuck anymore.

Kris

For the next post: The last new groups to be accepted into the "New Masculinity": Bi/Gay men...)

BROism Logos

2011-07-05T10:22:00.001-07:00